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While for some couples, conceiving comes easy while for others it’s not so easy. And even for the same couple, it might come easy when they had their first child but they really struggle in 2nd time or later, often, suffering in silence with bitterness and frustration leading to more and more anxiety. It gets emotionally hefty.
And since talking about sexual or reproductive problems is taboo in Pakistan. You are given a good dose of frown by everyone in the room if you mention something sexual even to just have a healthy discussion. Look, how fahash and besharam he/she is, doesn’t have any manners! You get to hear.
That’s why couples often suffer in silence and develop anxiety which leads to tension between two partners. People rarely get the “talk” before marriage, so they have to figure out everything themselves.
And for women it gets even harder, they go through an extra mile of pressure, stress, anxiety and even their self worth is questioned; “yeh to ha hi baanj”.
If you are a woman, you hear things like:
“Your child is barren, woh tou bara bolti thi”, your aunt says to your mother.
Or you would hear a “Ha Hayeeee” when that old aunty gets to hear that you haven’t conceived yet.
“Log kia kahen ga…”, your mother-in-law asks you..
“What? No child?”, a distant aunt of your husband says.
“Why aren’t you having kids?”, you hear.
“What do you do in the room all day?”, your mother-in-law asks.
And being a woman, you keep drowning in Sharam (shyness), you panic and starts questioning your self worth as if it’s solely determined by your capacity to biologically reproduce children. Your days are full of anxiety which should be filled with peace and joy rather.
Someone says, “go to that fakir/pir, he would fix everything by the grace of God”, or “mera sath bhi hua tha, tum hakeem ki dawa kha k daikho”, and you look at them with blank eyes if despair is looking back at you.
If you have faced any of this or are facing, we are here to tell you: You aren’t alone.
Everyone is in their own timelines, you aren’t conceiving early, you aren’t conceiving late, you are aren’t early or late, you are on time. You just need to change your approach to it and try better ways to get the results.
Say this to yourself thrice: everything is figureoutable. The situation you might be in, is also figureoutable. You might be making one of the common mistakes couples make when making a baby and don’t know how to correct them. Since, at Marham, we’re committed to educate, inform and empower people to solve their health problems, let’s explore some of the most common mistakes people make while conceiving and how to correct so you can let this emotional turmoil go, and experience the rewards fulfillment that comes from being a parent.
Before we talk about common mistakes, let’s pause for just a second. If you’re thinking this article relatable to you, then you’ll probably find tremendous help from talking directly to a gynecologist. At Marham, you can book video consultation or appointment with the best gynecologists in few seconds. Get help today.
Alright, let’s explore common mistakes and solutions to them right away.
1. Unaware of Fertile Window
Many couples aren’t aware of the best time to do the deed (having sexual intercourse).
A woman typically has a 28-cycle which means ovulation happens around 14th time. But this doesn’t apply to every woman since the exact length or ovulation time differs from person to person. You may have slightly shorter or longer cycle.
The best time to have intercourse is 3-5 days before ovulation and on ovulation day. Doing the deed during this time will increase the chance of pregnancy. Many women do not know their ovulation cycle dates.
Use ovulation predictor kit (available in market), cervical mucus, and body temperature tracking. You can use ovulation prediction test and create a fertility chart (a recording of your cycle days) to exactly know when it’s best to do sex to conceive.
While doing the deed when your body is producing cervical mucus may double your chances of conceiving (couples who do cervical mucus monitoring have a 90% chance of conceiving after 3 months).
2. Too Much Time In The Bedroom
While it might feel natural to think that the more sex you have, the more you are likely to pregnant, but the opposite of it might be true. Having too much sex can negatively impact the possibility of conceiving.
Doing the deed too often lowers men’s sperm count. If you are having difficulty conceiving, you might want to do the deed every other day (having one day gap) especially the week before and after ovulation.
Give a one day break. Taking a one day off in between sessions will increase the sperm count of your partner which can increase your chances of getting pregnant.
3. Always Thinking Problem is With Woman
Since ages, we get to hear things like “Punjabi men are so fertile, there must be something wrong with her”. Nobody points to the husband.
Fertility problems can happen in both genders and their is no shame in communicating with your doctor. In fact, 40% of infertility are related to men, and 40% to women. Usually, only women run to the doctor if they aren’t able to conceive.
If you are having a problem with conceiving, you and your partner both should visit the doctor and get checked up.
4. Stressing Out
Stressing not just about not getting pregnant but any kind of stress – due to work, relationship – can negatively affect fertility.
Stress affects the body in many ways including hypothalamus – the gland in the brain which controls the release of an egg. If you’re stressed out, an egg might release later or not release at all.
Avoid stress triggers (places, persons) that trigger your stress. Give yourself space and time and freedom – don’t be rigid about conceiving on the exact time you might think you should, you are in your own timeline. If you are extremely stressed out, you should see a psychologist.
5. Infrequent Intimacy
Many couples wait for the exact day of ovulation to make love. Your ovulation date isn’t constant, it can vary from month to month, even on a set cycle.
Also, sperm can reside inside a woman’s body for up to 5 days, and doing the deed throughout the days leading up to ovulation cycle can give sperms time to connect with your egg.
Try to do the deed every other day before one week of ovulation to increase the chance of conceiving.
6. Irregular Periods
Women who have irregular periods’ patterns have the chance of having medical conditions, for example, polycystic ovary system (PCOS) which affects their hormone levels making them vulnerable to fertility problems.
If a women have unusual prolonged or shorter cycles, it might be difficult to track ovulation day and hence less chances of conceiving.
In such cases, it’s best to consult a gynecologist who can help you to conceive.
7. Using Lubricants
Using lubricants during sex can make getting pregnant difficult. Commercial lubricants can slow down sperm movement making harder for sperms to reach the egg.
You don’t have to stop all together the use of lubricants, either use sperm-friendly lubricant or natural oil.
Use sperm-friendly lubricants or natural lubricants – vegetable oil, olive oil or coconut oil.
8. Sticking to One Position
When it comes to conceiving or making-babies, there’s a lot of advice out there differing in opinions, some suggesting one position is better while others saying another position is better.
In reality, it doesn’t matter much, any position can work for you – you should try multiple positions. Usually, regardless of position, sperms go straight into cervical mucus and up into the fallopian tubes.
Instead of being rigid with one position or another, try to mix up things and have fun.
Everyone has different sensitivities and situation depending on their bodies, so your situation might be unique as well. And there is no one-fits-everyone solution. Try to understand your unique situation and the problems it has and how you can go about solving those problems.
If the above solutions don’t work for you, or you aren’t making these mistakes but still unable to conceive, it’s always best to talk to a gynecologist who listens to you unconditionally and prioritizes you and your problems. At Marham, you can such gynecologist in your city who would love to help you. Book your video consultation or appointment with a gynecologist today.
And yes, don’t worry. We are here to tell you, it’ll be alright, you have shown tremendous strength going through all this, you are brave. You deserve good things and they will come your way sooner or later. In times like these, it’s very important for both partners to communicate honestly and be compassionate toward each other.
Turn off the volume next time you hear someone talking about you not conceiving, and turn up the volume of your inner happiness! Cheers and peace.
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