Talk to Psychiatry on Suicidal Thoughts

Suicide is all thats on my mind and i spend hours trying to find ways that will kill me in my room like water intoxication salt overdose a few years back i attempted by swallowing 20 paracetamol pills but it just harmed my kidney for a few weeks and people started to blame it on drugs even though at the time i didnt take drugs i dont have the courage to jump off a building or shoot myself but i did try to cut my vein but there was a point where it started to hurt to much to go deeper i want to end it now i dont even know why im seeking help when it increases chances of me not doing when it is everything i want to do My friends talked to my mother and she says ye suicide waghera kuch nahi hota ye bas bahane dhoond raha hay give him a shut up call aur uske baad mere kamre mein akr fazool fazool batein kiye ja rahi i cant ask for help from my family which is why i cant pay and if anyone please anyone is willing for just a single session without cost i attached a photos so anyone willing t