Talk to Neuro Physician on Mental Illness

i don't know where to start but i am male(20) i hate myself i have thought of suicide so many times but i have managed somehow not to try because i believe the condition from i am going through will not remain forever. i am always afraid of social gathering.. i feel like i am worthless i always feel inferior in friend gathering i am not able to talk with them confidently - even in family gathering i don't have enough courage to speak - i feel like i have no importance in someone life - during classes i don't talk with my fellows i don't know how to explain further can anyone help me about what i have to do how can i built self confidence - i am always afraid of going to places crowded by people for example like hospitals or banks i am not able to communicate with random person i start to shake -