“They care for you when you’re falling apart, only to put you back together and throw you against the wall.”
Psychological abuse is when someone tries to scare, control, or isolate you. It manifests itself in the abuser’s words and actions and their persistence in these behaviors. Many of the more obvious signs of mental and emotional abuse are probably familiar to you. However, when you’re in the thick of it, it’s easy to overlook the red flags of abusive behavior. Your spouse, business associate, parent, or caregiver can be the abuser. Before we dive deeper into the 7 signs of emotional abuse, you need first to understand what emotional abuse actually is.
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What is Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse controls another person by using their emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate them. In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors undermine a person’s self-esteem and mental health. Short-term difficulties such as confusion, fear, difficulty concentrating, and low confidence, as well as nightmares, aches, and a racing heart, can occur in victims of emotional abuse. Anxiety, insomnia, and social withdrawal may be long-term consequences.
What are the Types of Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse is not black and white; instead, it is a spectrum of grey. The person in an abusive relationship can’t point it out and seek help. However, the following are the main types of emotional abuse:
Dismissive-Avoidant Emotional Abuse
Adults who have an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style are more likely to instigate such abuse. Instead of desiring intimacy, they are so afraid of closeness that they avoid emotional connection with others. They’d rather not rely on others or be reliant on others. So, instead of dealing with their emotional mess and seeking support, they turn a cold shoulder towards their partners or any close person. They avoid emotional attachments and involvements. As they have unsorted problems of their own, they can not be emotionally available to their partners. This makes the partner or close one doubt themselves and don’t know where they stand in the relationship.
Covert Emotional Abuse
It is not about hurting someone’s feelings when they are subjected to covert emotional abuse. It is the clinical term for the psychological and physical harm that occurs when a victim is repeatedly manipulated. It manifests itself in various ways, including behaviors such as lying, withholding communication, making defensive excuses, and so on.
As covert emotional abuse is brutal to detect by nature, few people have the emotional intelligence required to recognize and respond to the abuse when it occurs. The confusion caused by stress causes the victim to doubt and second-guess everything, including themselves, their observations, and their experiences. Unresolved and unaddressed stressful confusion eventually leads to post-traumatic stress disorder.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is common in emotionally abusive relationships. It is the act of manipulating someone by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and events around them. A victim of gaslighting may be pushed to the point of questioning their sanity.
The 7 Signs of Emotional Abuse
Although there are numerous signs, the following are the 7 signs of emotional abuse in a relationship. However, note that these signs do not always point towards emotional abuse; it depends on the consistency and tone of such actions.
1. Accusation and Denial
This behavior is a result of the abuser’s insecurities. They want to establish a hierarchy in which they are on top, and you are at the bottom. They might accuse you of cheating or flirting with others or that you are the one with issues. When you want to talk about a problem, they may accuse you of being dramatic. An abusive person may deny that an argument took place or that they do something.
2. Blame Game
Blame may take the form of jealousy, playing the victim, or provoking an argument. They may blame you for something that you didn’t do. The abusive person usually knows how to make the other person angry. They may irritate them until the person becomes agitated and then blame them for becoming agitated.
3. Control and Shame
Trying to make you feel ashamed of your shortcomings is just another way to gain power. Control includes:
- Financial control – Keeping all the finances under their control and asking account for each penny.
- Giving direct orders- Giving orders like ‘get dinner ready’ or ‘stop wearing this color.’
- Threatening- Threatening that ‘I’ll leave’ or ‘You never know what I might do.’
- Unexpected outbursts- May throw a tantrum on the slightest issue.
- Unilateral decision-making- Making decisions on their own without discussing with their partner.
4. Humiliation
An abuser may patronize or yell in public. They may assassinate your character by generalizing negative behaviors. A common way is to make rude remarks or mock them all the time.
5. Isolation and Emotional Neglect
An abuser usually limits their partner within the home. They don’t allow them to meet their friends or family by choice. Isolation makes the victim depressed. The abuser may make fun of the victim’s close ones to belittle them.
6. Negating and Criticizing
An abusive person tends to negate and criticize anything their partner does. They may tell them that their hobby is a childish waste of time or that they need to do better.
7. Unpredictability
Emotional abusers are very unpredictable. They’ll erupt in rage out of nowhere, shower you with affection, or turn dark and moody at the drop of a hat to keep you on your toes.
Breaking Free from Emotional Abuse
When a victim is subjected to severe and ongoing emotional abuse, they may lose their entire sense of self, sometimes without leaving a single mark or bruise. Instead, the wounds are invisible to others, hidden beneath the victim’s self-doubt, worthlessness, and self-loathing. According to research, the consequences of emotional abuse are just as severe as those of physical abuse. So if you or anyone close to you is going through emotional abuse, support them and visit a psychologist to get support. It is never too late to break the toxic chain.
FAQs
1. Can you sue a teacher for emotional abuse?
Yes, you ca sue a teacher for emotional abuse but for that, you need to provide clear evidence, which is usually a complicated and difficult task.
2. How to forgive a spouse for emotional abuse?
Although forgiveness is a very noble act, it is very hard to actually do it. You can forgive your spouse by talking to them about it or even reaching out for support from a psychologist.
3. How to fix an emotionally abusive relationship?
An abusive relationship can be repaired, but emotional abuse is difficult to recover from. Before coming together for relationship counselling, you and your partner will almost certainly need to go to individual therapy.
Book an appointment now, to answer all your queries. You can book an appointment with the top psychologists in Pakistan through Marham by calling at Marham helpline: 0311-1222398 or by online booking facility through the website or Marham mobile app.
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