Talk to Psychiatry on Anxiety And Depression

Almost 2 years before I felt very anxious for my first uni presentation so, I was not able to do that and I felt so guilty for that. After that I felt so scared of life in general and felt suicidal. It seemed like a major episode of depression for few months. But after that I push myself to come out of that and I got better with time but I never recovered completely. I never came back to my normal self until now . Now I feel scared ,anxious, hopeless and helpless. I feel no motivation and excitement. Sometimes I have strange feelings about how life works and then I feel very disgusting. All I wish is to skip living this life and to die. My query is if it is depression or it is just mY personal weakness.